I really liked this. It was readable and delivered cleaver inspiration through the image. It would interesting to change the words under the boat to blue instead of black, and if you just did that it would be the cherry on top,to represent the sea...If you took it one step further and changed the color of the poem on either side of the mass tn another color so they represent the sails plus it would make the word "sails" under them stand out... but I like the concept and if you achieved what you wanted artistically I don't think you should change it for anyone but yourself because you are a creative artist.
I really enjoyed how you're playing with our expectations here and that the setting sun and clouds become the boat. I also enjoyed the language in the sails. It's readable but there are still some pleasant misreadings to do across lines. My favorites are "things catch winds," and "sail away pointed." I love with that "pointed" how it has meaning on its own outside of "disappointed." How cool! What I'm a less sure of is the three words at the bottom. I get the feeling of dreaming, exploring, and discovering without those words there, and really wanted to let the rest of the very cool language play above speak for that instead of this more caption-like text.
I really liked this. It was readable and delivered cleaver inspiration through the image. It would interesting to change the words under the boat to blue instead of black, and if you just did that it would be the cherry on top,to represent the sea...If you took it one step further and changed the color of the poem on either side of the mass tn another color so they represent the sails plus it would make the word "sails" under them stand out... but I like the concept and if you achieved what you wanted artistically I don't think you should change it for anyone but yourself because you are a creative artist.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how you're playing with our expectations here and that the setting sun and clouds become the boat. I also enjoyed the language in the sails. It's readable but there are still some pleasant misreadings to do across lines. My favorites are "things catch winds," and "sail away pointed." I love with that "pointed" how it has meaning on its own outside of "disappointed." How cool! What I'm a less sure of is the three words at the bottom. I get the feeling of dreaming, exploring, and discovering without those words there, and really wanted to let the rest of the very cool language play above speak for that instead of this more caption-like text.
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